What to expect when dating a recovering addict
There is no "recommended scenario" where the sex addict is continuing with his/her addiction and simply telling everyone he encounters that he's an addict and still trying to have sex.Which is why the point you're trying to make is not a recommendation -- it's not supposed to be a scenario to begin with, and if it's happening, the help has no control in the first place.This time around, however, the addict has a true shot at real joy – if he or she can trust the process.Read more about healthy dating for sex addicts in my book "Erotic Intelligence: Igniting Hot, Healthy Sex in Recovery from Sex Addiction" and my daily meditation book "Mirror of Intimacy: Daily Reflections on Emotional and Erotic Intelligence" Sex addicts use behaviors rather than substances as coping mechanisms.If the "victim" is rushing into sex, they are setting themselves up (whether the sex is with an addict or not, imo.).This article is about sober dating, and what it should look like.Also, in slaa, sex is meant to be delayed deliberately.
It cannot be rushed, underestimated or faced alone anymore than the early emergency stages of recovery could be when the addict was hitting bottom.The group most critically in need of transparency from the sex addict - his or her potential partners - are completely ignored.These are the people who will ultimately pay the price should the sex addict act out or "fail" in seeking a happily ever after.Likewise for the woman who always seems to get involved with unavailable, married men, a truly present, drama-free suitor can be deemed ‘boring.’ These unique challenges can be overcome, of course, but the sex addict will have their work cut out for them. The sex addict is used to instant gratification, and may not have the patience to invest in a long term relationship that builds gradually through shared interests and time spent getting to know one another.This impossible ‘slowness’ that intimacy requires may frustrate and confuse the addict, who no doubt is in a rush to form a relationship after so many months spent healing in celibacy.
So if a wife/girlfriend complains that her husband/boyfriend wants sex all the time and is there for a "sex addict", she is wrong?