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If you’ve dated in the age of social media — particularly now that you’ve pivoted from posting the occasional status update to running 24/7 multiplatform documentaries of your existence — chances are you’ve been watched, liked and followed by a crush, a lover or an ex.Prying eyes on Instagram, Snapchat and Twitter can be exciting when they come from a prospective romantic partner, confusing when unrequited and infuriating when the looker is an ex.

Regardless, it’s a fact that dating is confusing, and orbiting can make that worse.And the orbiting ex only serves to keep you mired in a shadow version of the relationship, wondering, each time he or she views one of your Stories, what happened or what could have been. But in data published Monday, Ok Cupid, a popular online dating site, said women who take the initiative to reach out to men are rewarded with higher response rates and more desirable men.And yet, men send 3.5 times as many first messages on Ok Cupid as women do.“Women have very much been trained to sit back and let men come to them,” said Whitney Wolfe, the founder of Bumble, a separate dating app.Bumble requires women to flip the presumption that men are the dating aggressors.

The way it feels to be orbited depends on your relationship to the orbiter.