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I have read books on grief and grieving for my husbands sake and his adult children.I feel I am (we are) doing everything right and by the book, patience, love, acceptance, understanding their loss as well as his own but nothing seems to help.Their father had been looking for a new wife for 18 months before I even met him, had planned to move from the large house before I met him and planned to retire from his job as a professor of 47 years.But instead of accepting the changes as wishes of their father, they have chosen to blame me. Unfortunately, we are the ones to suffer because they have cut him off from seeing his grandchildren or participating in their lives as before.My fiancee’ has adult children and they are very happy that their father and I are getting married. My dad never remarried or even dated and he was a fairly young man when my mom died.
We feel the only way to protect our own hurt feelings in all this mess is to pretend none of them exist and just get on with our own lives together in love and devotion. I plan to go to the library to seek books on this subject which might be of help to us. Joyner How very sad to read that the family seems to be stuck in their grief, and somehow even the accidental death of your husband’s son has become tangled into this.One last thing I think is also a factor is that before I met him, he did very little in the way of physical activities. I’ve introduced him to kayaking and biking and other fun things to do which he never did with his own children as they were growing up. Because I am very active, I introduced him to my activities which we found out he can do.Not because he didn’t want to, but because he didn’t know he could. Now he wants to do these things with his children and grandchildren but I think they are jealous, or angry at him because he never did these things with them.Even though they were both on board with the decision I still reminded them that they would soon be leaving home, having their own lives and will be even happier that I have someone to share my later years with.Maybe, if you presented the scenario to your daughter in this way she might understand that you are not only her mother but a WOMAN too and this man will be there to love and care for her when her children cannot.
Since he had no wife it was up to me and my sister to care for him on our own, and we both lived a distance from him. Although I loved him and wanted to care for him it was difficult with kids, job, house and traveling.